Don't Ask a Caveman
Cavemen are stupid. There are a lot of really good reasons most cavemen
are extinct. Here are a few of them: they weren't big on taking baths,
hadn't really mastered that whole tool thing, and they never figured out
dating. Why would anybody go to a caveman for advice on short term motor
Point number one: cavemen are filthy. We've all seen the pictures.
Matted hair, crusty finger- and toenails, dirty loincloths, dirt-smeared
faces; it's really not a good look. Your average caveman doesn't look
like he's even been in the same room as a bar of soap, much less used
one. Here's a tip for you, Mr. Caveman: bad grooming habits don't make
me think you're some kind of nonconformist hipster, I just figure you're
too stupid to understand how soap works. If you can't master basic
skills like bathing, I'm not taking your advice on motor insurance.
Point number two: what about tools? Let's just say that tools are not
his friend. Whittling sticks into spears? Maybe after he takes a few
classes, but even then I doubt he would know what to do with it. He'd
probably just use it for that really cool new invention that's all the
rage in caveman circles: fire. What are the odds that a guy with barely
enough brains to figure out how to keep warm would be able to help you
research insurance quotes? Technology is not his friend; your average
caveman couldn't text his way out of a wet paper bag. Can you imagine
him doing a compare and contrast of competitive short term insurance
Finally, and to me this is the most telling item, what kind of man
doesn't realize that conking a woman over the head with a Tyrannosaurus
Rex's thigh bone and then dragging her off to his cave to turn her into
Mrs. Caveman isn't cool? It's called assault and kidnapping, and I'm
pretty sure it's illegal in most states. Is this really someone you want
giving you advice? And if you think about it, you're really not going to
have a very happy marriage if your married life starts out that way.
There are other ways to get a girl's attention. Take her out for a
cappuccino, maybe hit a movie. Jeez, even a trip to Radio Shack is
better than knocking her out and dragging her off (though not by much).
Let me put it this way: you don't see women on internet dating sites
with "Looking for a caveman type" in their profile. At least I hope not.
I guess my point is that cavemen are a bad choice if you're looking for
help making an informed decision. I'd be very surprised if someone could
convince me otherwise.
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